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THE WEIGHT OF DESIRE | ATTRACTION
Is Finding Someone Attractive the Same Thing as Being Attracted to Them?
My Attraction Criteria in the Straight Dating World
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard men say to me, ‘I find you very attractive’ or ‘I feel attracted to you, and so would like to see you again.’
I am left to ponder how is that even possible when not the slightest bit of chemistry transpired between us?
I have concluded through an informal anecdotal survey that in general men, being very visually oriented, qualify their experience of finding someone attractive as the same thing as feeling attraction to that person.
Men tend to have a binary approach: Upon meeting a date, if they find someone visually pleasing and assume there are no major red flags, they want to pursue her. Sometimes they are just asking for the next date, but often that is all they need to jump into the proverbial sack with her.
Bottom line for me and many women I know is: Finding someone attractive is not the same thing as being attracted to them.
I feel attracted to someone when I feel a chemical connection.
A lot of people are attractive to my eye, but that doesn’t mean I have any interest in dating or sleeping with them.
Attraction causes an increase in chemicals in the body like oxytocin and dopamine. When these chemicals are boosted, one feels a high, a euphoria, a zing. This chemistry is expressed as a flush, a quickened heart rate, a groinal surge of sorts. In other words, heat.
Yep, a little fire in the southern region that grows and spreads upward.
I am now of a certain age — having surpassed the 60-year mark — that I don’t really expect that instant fire. While I might know fairly quickly on that first date that I don’t feel that je ne sais pas chemistry, the jury is still out on whether I could feel it with someone I find somewhat intriguing.
The fire now might be quieter, but it burns. It is still strong. It just is not so fast and all-consuming.
